Consider having a set night once a month to invite the coworkers or parents in your child’s friend group that you’ve talked about inviting but never seem to get around to it.
Getting together for a homemade meal is not a new idea, but these days it feels radical. Your life will be richer, trust me.
I’m a fanatical home cook who loves to create feasts for friends. There’s nothing that I won’t attempt to make homemade. I’m the kind of lunatic that would rather spend the weekend rendering beef tallow from suet and butchering, brining, and dredging his own bird instead of going to a drive-thru for fried chicken.
I’ll spend a whole day on a sauce that would make your Italian grandmother seethe with jealousy. I’m always striving for perfection and going the extra mile for aesthetics, textures and flavors.
Nothing makes me happier than blowing the minds of my friends with the best version of a dish they’ve ever had. Nothing is more depressing than making an outstanding meal and having no one to share it with.
I grew up in a family and church culture that put an emphasis on homemade food. Church ladies assembled meals for after Sunday services. Our big family reunions were massive potlucks. Cousins threw annual pig roasts. I fondly remember epic cookie bakes with Mom for Christmas, watching Dad prepare the fish he caught that morning, and that one time my uncle ‘procured’ a live chicken from the front yard for my grandma’s fried chicken.
Even as a kid I could tell the difference.
School, work and other obligations pulled me away from these gatherings as I transitioned from teenager to adult. I was too busy working in college to do much cooking for myself, but I had several part time restaurant jobs. Front and back of house from fry cook, line cook, server and bartender.
In my 20s, I became vegetarian to lose weight. Being vegetarian in Ohio means you need to do a lot of cooking. My experiences as a designer and artist gave me the critical eye and perfectionist tendencies that lend themselves well to being a hyper-critical cook — always striving to figure out exactly what went wrong and how I can make it better.
My brother and I made our way through the cookbooks of Tal Ronnen and Colleen Patrick-Goudreau and spent days planning and executing fancy, multi-course vegan holiday meals complete with wine pairings.
Omnivorous in my 30s, I was smoking turkeys for Thanksgiving, preparing the standing rib roast for Christmas, and grilling the lamb for Easter. The pandemic gave me the time and space to take my cooking to the next level. My wife at the time took over the baking and we started throwing more and more dinner parties.
We were in that phase of our lives where we were no longer interested in loud bars and expensive restaurants but still wanted excellent food and communion.
Two years ago, those dinner parties ended when we separated. Those of you who’ve gone through divorce know you’re grieving the loss of more than one person. Losing the friendships and the family was harder for me than losing the spouse because I actually liked those people.
Yes, even my in-laws.
Instead of wasting away alone in a forlorn bachelor pad, I decided to move in with a good friend and her family in a new city. They already had a semi-regular Sunday dinner with their parents and a best friend. I started joining every week and got to share some of my favorite dishes with new mouths.
We kept inviting friends until it grew into a crew of a dozen adults and their children. Each week we take turns for which couple is responsible for the entrée, side dishes, dessert, and clean-up (there’s a spreadsheet).
In this column, I hope to use my experiences as an over-the-top home cook obsessed with quality to inspire and encourage you. I will point you to some great recipes, shortcuts, ingredients and techniques that can take humble ingredients from plain to decadent.
Why? So you can invite the people you want to surround yourself with.
Even if it doesn’t come out perfect, I assure you, they’ll love and respect you for trying something new. If the worst happens you end up scorching the meal, pizza is a few taps away.
Try a seafood boil
If you’re looking for something social, impressive and easy, I suggest a seafood boil. It’s something I’ve enjoyed with my dad on holidays, in my neighbor’s back yard and with friends in New Orleans.
A boil? Seafood? That sounds intimidating and messy. But last year I discovered I can make it with just foil and a heat source if you ignore the boil part and instead use steam. Corner cutting? Yes. Flavor cutting? Not at all.
It’s the kind of recipe that scales up and down well. You can use the oven at 500 degrees if you don’t have a grill. If you want to be more authentic and get your hands dirty, find some crawfish to add.
If you want to get fancy, use crab legs and a mix of seafood. I use fully peeled and deveined shrimp because it’s simple, easy and skittish seafood eaters are more likely to try it.
This dish vegan-izes well. Replace the butter with a high-heat olive oil. Instead of sausage and shrimp, slice and marinate super-firm tofu with Braggs Liquid Aminos, Old Bay seasoning, and lemon juice. Flip it every hour or so until all sides have absorbed the marinade.
Grill it or sear it on high heat for 1-2 minutes per side until it has grill marks or color. Toss it in your foil tray and steam it when the recipe calls for shrimp. You’ll end up with a juicy and spicy tofu that will change people’s mind about the humble bean curd.
“Family dinner” was exactly what I needed during what could have been a lonely and devastating period of my life. We’ve strengthened old friendships and built new connections. Food might have brought us together, but community is the reason we’ll keep at it.
The best prevention for modernity’s loneliness epidemic is consistent food with friends. Make it happen.
Casey Sears is a designer and artist at Cox First Media. He spends free time discovering the best local farmers’ markets, grocery stores and restaurants. You can reach him at casey.sears@coxinc.com.
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